Random nothings

You don't have to be mean all the time ya knoowww??

I know my place. This is my life now. I'm happy I met these people along the way. I know all hope is not lost :)

I smell of burberry. Making me miss that certain someone just a tad bit more than i usually do.

I wanna be apart of the study the lecturer was talking about n get 300 bucks. All i have to do is sit in the hospital for a weekend. Must find out where to sign up.

So many things running through my head but its not projecting out.

Be anywhere but here

It's 11.30 pm and usually I'll be getting ready to snuggle up in my warm bed. Either that or finishing up some work. But you get the point. Nothing interesting happens to me around this time. I've been wanting to blog for a while now. Nothing heavy. Mainly, just about my week and what I do in class. But I'm too lazy for that. I feel this overflowing of emotions coming out of me. Trust me, I've sealed it well. But a certain someone opened the tight lid of my emotion box. Now it's leaking. Bit by bit.

First up in mind, I should change my lame blog title. It's lame. Cause come to think of it, I don't want people to read my blog. I just want them to shut up. But not read. If you get what I mean. Cause this is where I spill SOME things that cross my mind. And probably that particular thing that crossed my mind might offend people in ways I've never intended to. This is the place where I can be overly sensitive about things. This is the one place where I can complain and be selfish. This is the place where it's about me. And surely, I don't give a damn if I'm the only one who reads it. (Actually it would be better if I'm the only one reading it. But yeah yan, it's called a diary. But I still prefer blogging. Whatever. Lemme be. ) And surely, you have a choice whether to read and listen to my plight or just press the X button on the top right corner which you are welcome to do so.

I am at a lost cause here. I've given up on me. I have social problems. I have identity crisis where I don't even know what type of person I am. Cause I'm such a chameleon trying to fit in here. Epic failure of my life. In the end, i forget how to act normal. I don't know what's normal. I can only act normal when I'm not thinking. Those few people I meet where I don't have to think about how to act or what to say. IF that's even my 'normal' to begin with. I guess I'm normal-er when I feel comfortable and accepted. The feeling of being in the circle rather then its borderline. Too nice and I'll be a bore. Too snarky and you won't wanna be close to me. That ladies and gentlemen, why I prefer to start fresh rather than work with what I left broken in the first place. Survival skills I call it.

I've built my own nest here. I'm very comfortable in it. Where everything feels so familiar. So cozy and warm. Stepping out of it IS a big deal for me. Its hard. Only because I know I don't belong anywhere but here.

In a world that is mine, everything is easy.

time to me is very precious

I shall blog....soon enough :P

(funny that the length of my title and blog are about the same. haha!)

when nothing good comes to mind

I don't know how to say this. But i know I'm impaired. I'm not perfect. I'm a human being with flaws. I have phobias. I worry a lot. I care what people think of me. I think too much.

I'm just rambling. Typing random things that comes to mind. I actually feel like blogging today (a rare occasion). A post without a point. Without a story. Without a conclusion. Hoping that no one reads it. I guess its better if i write it in a diary. But alas, I don't have one. And I think its pointless even if I have one. I tried having a diary once but it didn't work. I felt stupid everytime i write "dear diary,". Not that its necessary to start with that but still..

I have one big phobia I cant overcome (besides being scared of cockroaches). A phobia that developed as I walk through the thorns of life. I don't know how to explain it. But its something like I'm scared that every being that walks into my life would find their way out one day or another. Like a BIG slap to the face, people would stop loving and caring for no good reason at all. I am TRULY paranoid with this and my only defense is to shy away from the world. Walk away from the problem. Become an anti-social. And I think it is what I am today. I just don't know how to get over it.

I guess I was never strong and never brave to ride the roller coaster of my own life.

shrmzb

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all readers out there (i counted, there's probably 3 or 4). Don't miss me too much :D

PS: I don't like it when ppl put everything in acronyms especially if its a wish. gila pemalas dan tak ikhlas. *padahal its my title kan? haha!*

lotsa loves yalls!

I better talk to my mum about this -_-"

Ok. I definitely have too much time on my watch now. I'm starting to scare myself. But probably, IF what I found out is true, then I guess it's a good thing. I think? Or not.

Yeah. What the hell am I talking about right? Anywayy, I've had this intense itching sensation at my upper arms. Close to my shoulders. Sometimes, red bumps appear especially when it's REALLY itchy. It's been like this for a while. I didn't think much about it at first. But it's getting worse. I'm scarring. Ugly, ugly, ugly scars. It's cause sometimes i scratch without noticing it and I really don't notice how hard i scratch but it'll end up bleeding. Ergo, scarring.

But sometimes, I do notice the itch. And I put in all my might and power to refrain from scratching. And the bumps will still appear without me scratching. So instead of scratching it, i poke it with my fingernail. Haha! Yeahh I applied the Gateway Theory of Pain. To put it in simple words, the pain messages will overwrite the itch sensation at the spinal cord so the brain would interpret the pain messages instead. Ok, whatever yan. Physiology is soo first year. haha!

Anyway back to the story. I had nothing to do today. So i googled it (Yeah i depend on google a lot nowadays. Even found out what DM was through google. Haha!). After reading about a lot of people's plight about the same condition, one person replied that she has the same condition and her doctor suggested that it might be brachioradial pruritus.

So i googled that alien-sounding-words (actually I should be smacked at the head if my lecturer found out I said brachioradial as alien-like. Fine. So the words aren't exactly alien-like to me).

I'm just gonna copy paste what i found out.

"Brachioradial pruritus (BRP) is an intense itching sensation of the arm usually between the shoulder and elbow of either or both arms. The itch can be so intense that sufferers will scratch their own skin to a bleeding condition. The cause is not known, although there are a few lines of thought on what causes it. No cure has been found. Many different medications and types of topical creams have been experimented with, but none seem to make any difference. The only thing that seems to help most sufferers is the application of ice to the area until the itch is diminished."

And my reaction was, "NO CURE HAS BEEN FOUND??? Damnn..T_T "

And i read some more. I'm just gonna put the keywords here. "BRP may be attributed by NEUROPATHY, problems in the nervous system, compression of nerve at the cervical spine,cervical spine disease."

Oh btw, just to translate it into human language, neuropathy is ANY disorder whereby the nervous system is somewhat DAMAGED. Great.. Just great.

This is NOT good. Not good at all. Oh but there is another reason for the cause of BRP. It's prolonged exposure to sunlight. It's not that i expose that part of my skin. But I'm hoping prolonged exposure to sunlight at different regions of my body like face or lower arms can still cause the itchiness at my upper arms. Hopefully.. If there's any connection at all. At least it's better than cervical spine disease or neuropathy -_-"

Maybe, just maaaybe, it's just irritation of my skin due to some sort of allergies. Or sensitive skin. Hopefully maybe.. I think I'm just being paranoid.

PS: ice pack sounds like a great idea. I'm gonna do that next time. Please pray it's nothing serious. Haha! (Suddenly I don't think it's appropriate to laugh but I still feel like laughing)

stripped right out of my chest

As to why I haven't written anything for a long time, it's simple. I have nothing interesting to talk about. Yeah but why don't I have anything interesting to talk about if I have the same 24 hours everyone else was given. I must have done something with my life. Or at least feel something? Feeling for the day is "Diyana Radzi, you're never good enough". That my life is just a perfect waste of time.

Yeah I feel a lot. It's just I don't know how to project it out. Except to imagine bad things happening in my head. Yeah I do that sometimes. Guilty as charged. I'm afraid people would take it the wrong way. And cause of that, I'm afraid of being left behind. Shunned from the public. And so, I swallow it in. I swallow as much as I could. I just learn to ignore. Roll my eyes for a bit, put a pause on my emotions, hover over the file right click and delete the whole folder. Create another one just to put fresh emotions in for every other day. But even if you delete a file, it would still be in your trash can. Still in your computer. And I haven't learn a way to permanently delete it.

I was never good at that before. You know the whole swallow it in, even if its not your fault, it is your fault. Used to just take it all out. Just throw my stinking emotions onto other people. Let them carry the burden. Not anymore. I keep it to myself. Might not be good for my health but it's certainly for my own good. Cause that, Diyana Radzi, is how you mainly get in to trouble. By putting up a show. By saying out meaningless words you've never meant.

And probably since I was never quite used to the idea of sucking it in, probably, as early as it is, this is my mini breaking point. Where i take it out on my blog. Wishing no one would ever read it. So I won't get into any trouble. But I myself know, I can't take back what I said (unless I don't post this blogs and this blog would be another bad imagination of mine). Those words will definitely linger in their brains even after the word sorry is uttered. Even if you're forgiven, they might change for what you have said.

I might regret this post as soon as I press the "publish post". Cause I'm just writing out of anger and despair. Out of self-pity and all those pathetic useless feelings that causes me nothing but trouble. But then again, this is my blog and I'm allowed to have my down moments on my own blog right? Right? I should think again.

Oh please clarify with me before making assumptions. As assuming would never be good.

Writer's Block

I haven't been writing much since micro-blogging was introduced into my life. Well, it was introduced a long time ago but I found no sense in having a twitter account as I don't own a smartphone (yeah, my phone is still the dumb phone). No sense as in "What would I tweet about if the only chance I have to tweet is when I'm back home after all the fun is over?" Or "I was never good at updating my facebook status. Isn't twitter about the same thing?". Oh but I was wrong. I have to admit that twitter is addictive. At least to me. I know what my friends are up to given that I rarely have the chance to meet them due to my tight sched.

Anyway, the point is, it solves my problem of not having enough ideas to write. It's not all the time words come spilling into my mind. And most of the time, what I think about is really not blog-worthy (like this one for instance). I find that it's very hard expressing myself. Especially in words. Lots and lots of words. Yes siree! 140 characters are enough for me. So that explains why I haven't blogged as much. I will try to blog more though. No promises.

Moving on to another topic, I miss having ample of time to myself. I just have to be patient. Breathe in, breathe out, just two weeks left yan, just two weeks left. Sigh. Sucks that I'm missing all those girly outings. I miss those. Just two weeks left and I'll be free :)

I guess I have half an hour to laze on the bed before I start getting ready for work. Welcoming the holy month of Ramadhan. Oh wait, I'm not fasting today and I'm pretty sure that lazying around is not the best way to welcome Ramadhan. Haha! Happy fasting people :)

Walking furballs

T'was a better day! I solved the problem I had. I won!!!! Yeay me! And it wasn't even meeting me half way. They met me all the way. Cuz I won! buahahahahhaha! (I guess you're wondering what the story is but no time to write now. Too lazy to put in words)

Anywaaayyy, I saw the cutest thing today. A man walking cats! Yeah! Cats! Two very fluffy cats. But they had mean faces. (I can't explain how a cat can have a mean face. Probably it's eyes). But it was the cutest thiiiinngg! The cats were soooo fat and fluffyy. It's not everyday I see people (actually a person) walking cats. It's always the dogs who gets to do all the walking with the master.

And yeah, Bill walks cats too!

and yeah i will blog about the sweeet sweet victory of mine. maybe tomorrow. or never.. hahahahahha!

right side of the bed :)

I feel better today! was sooooooooooooooo pms-ing yesterday. but i still do have that thinggg to settle so i still hate romp. hahahahahahahhahaha

Not having the best day

since the whole point of writing a blog is to complain and vent, so that's exactly what i'm gona do. nothing interesting really. things haven't been going so well for me this past few days. and i feel like i'm complaining too much. ughh this feels awful. i feel awful. i don't want to blog about it until it's settled. and i really miss futsal. i REALLY miss futsal.

PS: Sam how come bill got handbaag? :(

PS: Bill, i didnt leave u and went aussie and i did meet u and accompanied u. i actually feel insulted.

i hate that i sound ungrateful:( oh and i hate ROMP

Now I'm confused

I'm 20 years old (I actually had to think whether I really am 20. My mind seems to be stuck at 18 ever since I was 18. Weird) but lately I'm having troubles comprehending what a 1-year old can do. Which is differentiating girls and boys. But cut me some slack, it is hard nowadays with all the tomboys and pretty boys and transvestites. No offense(I seriously have nothing against them).

Yeah back to my problem. Since I work at a retail outlet, it's quite important that I know whether I'm speaking to a dude or a dudette cause I need to address them as "Miss" or "Sir". You know, to show respect while talking to them. I remember one time, I had to make phone calls to our would-be members to inform them that they still had points to collect if they wanted to become and official member and the sale is just around the corner blah, blah, blah (trust me it was a lot of calls and I had to repeat the same lines over and over and over again). The list was long but I was fine doing it since it's just through the phone right?? I didn't have to face them or anything. All I had to do was to listen to their voice to differentiate whether they're a man or a woman and I should know whether to address them as "sir" or "miss". I mean you can differentiate them by their names for the malays and indians and some of the foreigners (seriously this is not being racist).

But there was this one particular call I made, apparently to a chinese lady (you know you can't always differentiate their gender according to their name), she had a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep manly voice. And of course, after many many many calls, I thought that this customer was a guy and addressed her as "sir" to which she replied "I'm not a sir, I'm miss Tan* " Embarrassed muchh!! End of first scene.

Moving on to the 2nd scene, I was in charge of the fitting room. A customer came in the fitting room to try jeans taken from the men section. Not that I gave much thought when the customer came in. I greeted the customer by saying, "Hi sir! How many pieces do you have?". To which she answered "only one" with a i-can-confirm-that-she's-a-girl pitched voice, and smiled. And yet another embarrassing moment. What can I do? Her hair was short, she was wearing baggy clothes, guy's cargo shorts and big ass shoes plus she was trying on men's jeans. For all I know, she's actually happy I called her a sir. Looks like all her effort of looking like a man paid off.

Third scene. I'll make it short and sweet(maybe not so sweet). Went out for dinner with my family just now. All i wanted was to ask for an extra spoon. Out of respect for the waiter/waitress, I asked "kak, nak sudu satu boleh?". And she/he nodded and smiled and off she went. Didn't think much about it until my sister asked, "kenapa yan panggil dia kak and bukan bang?". DAMN! That was when I realized I really do have trouble differentiating genders now. The waiter/waitress came with my spoon and smiled and to which i thanked him/her. If he/she was a boy, he/she would be a really pretty boy indeed. But if he/she was a guy, she did a pretty good job at covering her boobs. Really. It was nowhere to be seen. As flat as a plank of wood. Gah! I hope he/she don't take offense IF I did addressed her wrongly.

Anyway, for those that is going through the journey of "transforming" themselves as a woman but not quite there yet, (meaning they still have that manly voice, manly arms, manly legs, no boobs, and probably short hair but nicely combed and well maintained) then what should we address them as? Sir? Miss? Missy? This is confusing me.

Interesting fact here. I've always wondered where the transvests go to when they needed to use a public toilet. To the mens? Afraid of offending the ladies in the ladies' loo? Or the ladies? Cause that is what they are now. But question answered! They don't go to neither. They go to the disabled and mother's with child's toilet in the middle of the men and women's toilet! Saw it with my own two eyes. Lucky me. One of my pathetic-short-life-questions answered. Now I can sleep at peace :P

*names has been changed for confidentiality. Ok i'm lying. Names has been changed cause i forgot what their real name is. Happy?

Gluttony

Nur Diyana binti Mohamed Radzi! You just got to stop eating! Or at least stop thinking of food and make yourself salivate and hungry. Oh my god. Everything now looks so yummy and scrumptious and yummy and yummy. What ever happened to the girl who was fine eating fresh guava and bread during her breaks.

I want and I crave for tutti frutti. Pretty pleaaaaseeee. Oh, and auntie anne's pretzels are delightful! so yummy. especially when u eat it hot. The curry me and the soto behind TTDI's wet market is delicious! Nasi lemak and fried chicken at Bumbung in SS2 is a must try (not that i remember how to get there). Mee goreng mamak at jasema is just awehhhsome! I just ate my mum's spaghetti meatballs. OH IT'S THE BEST! I miss eating shaved ice at desa park city. I'm dying to try the new recipe i got to make oreo milkshake (I can share the recipe if anyone's interested. Not that it's hard to make). Wall's chocolate ice cream in my freezer is a freakin big temptation. Good that i'm not at home most of the time to stuff my face with it. I still have the toffee to make Banoffee pie. I just don't have the time to make it. This list can go on and on and on and on. But it must stop here. For my own good. and probably for your own. hahahahahaha! Sorry if i made you salivate as well :P

THIS IS GLUTTONY!!!! >:P

Colours

I am sooo lazy to write but i feel obliged (for some reason). Though I do have one thing to complain about today. Teehee!

Yellow people are really getting on my nerves these days. Yeah, they really are. I don't mean to sound racist here, but they really do get on my nerves. Really. Really. Do. Who cares if i'm being racist in my own blog. My regular viewers are only Sam and Bill. Two white men (or women??) who don't give shit what I complain about anyway. Haha!

It's not that I hate yellow people, I'm just annoyed by them. And of course there's reasons. I don't get annoyed by people for no reason (sometimes).

Reason no 1:

My assumption when I applied for the job was definitely right. That THESE people were racist (yeah, they got racist before I did). They only accepted me probably cause they thought that I could speak well. Either that or it might be cause of my hair. Yeah, sadly my hair colour is the same shade as theirs. Did I tell you that when they saw me the first time, they said there weren't any jobs to be applied for but only when I said "thank you" and walked away did they call me back. Haha! My bad. Anyway back to the story, I was folding some clothes next to the manager(we're gonna call her buncit k?) when a malay dude came in to ask for a job position. And this was what she told him, "Sorry aa. We're only looking for chinese". What the heck was I?? Do i look freakin' Chinese to you? Probably not cause I'm not that fair to begin with and my eyes aren't that sepet. Grr. That wasn't the only Malay asking for the job. Another malay girl came to ask for a job, but Buncit went out for awhile. So Christina (recap! She's the Philipino girl) asked her to give us her name and phone number. When Buncit came in, she never called the girl! I guess cause the girl has a malay name. Figures.

Reason no 2:

Can they freakin stop talking in their mother tongue when I'm there and especially when I'm in the middle. Annoys the hell outta me. It's like ALL the time EVERYTIME.

Reason no 3 (not a valid one though):
Yellow customers (SOME!). I sometimes feel like I'm talking to a stone or to the wall. Can't they at least acknowledge me talking to them? Is it too hard to smile, or nod, or even look at me? Stupid. Ketuk kepala kang.

Aahhh. I don't mean to be that racist. I think it's only because it's that time of the month. But seriously, can't they at least try taking people in without looking at their skin colour? Not all of us are bad and not all of you guys are good. I've only been working for 5 days, but my sales are the second highest (My sales were at 9.3k in 4 days of working. Woohoo!). Doesn't that count for something? I wish all of us Malaysians were colourblind. Not literally. Only when it comes to skin colour. I wish that there will be a generation in the future that does not segregate each other according to their race. And please lah, stop talking your language when you know there is someone there that does not understand that language. Especially if that person is the minority.

PS : I sometimes don't understand why they need to shout when talking to each other. Either that or they like to talk in a high pitch voice. HAHA

hehe

Sorry people, I was too lazy to write yesterday and today. Maybe tomorrow :P

Feel like wasting your time?

Today's the last day of the month. This post is my ninth post of the month and of the year. And to think I was about to delete my blog account. I mean, nine post ain’t a lot but it sure is something (compared to the three post for the whole of last year)

I don’t really have anything important to share or to say, but since it is the last day of the month, I decided I should write a post, rambling about nothings.

The last day of the month… That means I’ll be starting my part-time job tomorrow. At 9.30 am and ends at 6.30 pm. Which made me realize something else. That I won’t get to play futsal on my work days. Well probably unless it’s at night, or in the morning if I’m on my noon shift. THAT SUCKS. I only get to play on my off days, IF there is futsal planned. *cry*

I made banoffee pie yesterday. It turned out okay except for the whipping cream. Lesson for the day, never over whip your whipping cream. It’ll turn into butter. Thank god there was only little of it on the pie. Warning to everyone eating the pie at home: If you see hard whipping cream on pie, please DON’T EAT IT. It tastes like butter and it’s disgusting. However you may put it aside to eat with your toast. :P

Anyway, at least I learnt something in life. As soon as the whipping cream started to curdle, I ran upstairs to my laptop to search for the answers from my dearly friend, google. My life depends on google now. That’s where I got the recipe in the first place! Oh and google has made stalking fairly easy. Oh and google entertains me too. (I googled blob fish, very odd looking creatures they are). Oh and I also googled urban legends. I don’t even know why I’m freaking my self out. I might just write a post about it. Haha!

Oh and I just found out that 20 minutes of jumping rope burns more calories than 20 minutes of jogging. Which would help me burn down the fat intake from the banoffee pie. :B

I did warn you I had nothing better to write. So you just wasted your life reading this post. Byeeeee!

GOODBYE MONTH OF MAYYY!! SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!

Goodbye lazy days :(

Its great that Bill started blogging again. That will give me more things to read. I like her words. I really do.

Sad story for today, I MISSED FUTSAAAALL. Ughh. Annoyed beyond words but I'm not gonna ramble on the person who made me miss futsal. Grrr..

On a more positive note, I GOT A JOB! Money money money money! Actually, I got 2 jobs and an interview tomorrow. Yeah, finding words to politely turn the job and the interview down.

I'm gonna work at GAP! Never thought I'd be working at a retail outlet. I'll be starting 1st of June, so take note that I'll be busier now. Just doing part time so its 8 hours a day, 6 days a week.

The plan was NOT to work at any retail outlet. It's boooring. Iron clothes, replenish shelves, make sure everything's perfect. Yeahhhh. But I just couldn't turn down the money offered. Salary is good for a part-timer.

On a not so positive note, I'll have less time to laze around. But I'm fine with that. I get bored with too much lazing around. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. But what I do mind is if I'm gonna miss any futsaaaal. aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! I sound crazy over futsal. But it's trueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. *cry*

Oh yeaahh, and less time for dating (nooooooooo!!) and less time for random girlfriend outings *sobs*. Oh well.. the money is still good. I'M GREEEEEEEDYY :P

And if things don't work out, I can always quit. Haha! Probably not but I'll only be working till my semester starts again. (Eagerly embracing 2nd Year:B)

I hope I won't be working with a bunch of weirdos. Wish me luck :)

Strawberry

"Life was so much easier when blackberry and apple were just fruits"

as quoted by Muiz, or wherever he got it. Haha! Funny quote. I stand by it 100%. Probably till I actually have one. All people seem to talk about are phones. Booooriiinnnggg!

I need to change my stone age hand phone one day. Must save enough money.

Aaaaaa i need cash. Stupid Borders didn't call me back. Now have to go find another job.

They just don't care

"Never ask for God to make life easier, instead ask Him to make you stronger"

*sigh*

I don't feel like sharing my thoughts. I don't feel like talking. I don't feel like being friendly. I don't feel like I want to put myself in other people's shoes. I don't feel like trying to understand anyone today. I don't feel like reading anything. I don't feel like going anywhere.

But, I'm fine. Trust me.

lets go youtubing!

Lady Gaga freaks me out. Really she does. Anyway, that’s not the point. I was very curious about this whole illuminati stuff and I was asked to watch “Music Industry Exposed” to actually see how freaky the whole thing is but the whole video has many many many parts. So instead, I chose to watch Lady Gaga’s latest music video which is Judas. Which then led me to another video by ssarahrooneyy saying that Lady Gaga’s Judas is evil. She literally cried trying to preach out to us cause we’re all going to hell for listening to Gaga’s songs. Funny much. That video attracted many dislikes and debates cause she was insensitive and was really pathetic. She still can't beat Rebecca Black though. Epic. :P

Anyhow, that’s still not the point. Then, that video led to her other videos. She figured with her new found popularity, she should be more productive and start her own singing career. NOW THAT’S FUNNY. I mean, its not THAT funny but it was the funniest video I watched tonight. Actually it was the only funny video I watched tonight. The rest were just sad and depressing. Yeah, I watched the one where the kid got bullied by her classmates from SMK Raja Abdullah. It was all over the papers. It’s just sad. She has Downs syndrome for goodness sake. So inhumane. Anywaaayyy, we’re not talking about that right now. Back to Sara Rooney. You probably should watch the video "lady gaga's judas is evil" first to see how temperamental she is as a person and how her voice is NOT deep to find this video funny. She's trying to do good after posting that controversial video. But it just didn't work.

I particularly like the comment which says she sounds like Chewbacca. Spot On! :P

Oh yeah, I just helped her get a tinsy wee bit more famous. Plus you know we're all guilty of singing like this once in awhile :B

*I must be that bored that even this girl can humour me*

yup! still going strong at 25 :B

We didn’t start off with a sweet love story. No guy chasing girl, girl almost died, guy gets girl. Nope. Nothing grand, nothing sweet. It just happened. That’s how I see it. We weren’t looking for anything more than friendship, neither were we expecting anything magical to happen between us. It just happened and somehow we knew we were hooked to each other. Two years later, and we’re still going strong. You’re a keeper baby :)

Trust me, I’m no expert in love. Heck, I might be just as clueless as the next person reading this. But I do know that it takes two to tango :P

It feels easy being with you. We don’t have to shower each other with gifts and surprises to keep the flame burning. Seriously, this is as inexpensive as its gonna get and I like it this way. It’s the simple things you do that matters most :)

I know I can lean on you. You’ve seen me during my worst, helped me get through it, and even helped me pick up the pieces and put it back together again. No judgments whatsoever, no thinking I’m crazy, always patient with me and my emotions. I’ve also changed for the better thanks to you. Though you might not realize it, you taught me to be more patient.

I’m glad that you’re simple. Glad that you’re making this simple. Glad that our relationship isn’t like a rollercoaster going round and round and up and down. Glad that we have stability. And as stable as we are, being with you is never a bore. Not even for a second.

Happy anniversary sayang. Its been a wonderful 25 months and I’m looking forward for more. You know I’m the luckiest person alive. I love you <3

✿ on an unrelated matter;

There’s nothing wrong with you if you say you can’t be in a relationship as long as you say you want to. Heck, you’re only 20. Still young. Plenty of time to make mistakes and learn from it. For all you know, you’ll mature more and you’ll somehow make it work. You’ll probably learn to be in a relationship without feeling like you’re in for a death sentence. You’re a tough girl and you need a tougher person to handle you. So cheer up, we’ll untangle the mess together. God has a plan for us all. :)

Probably a start? Hopefully :)

I might get used to rambling by myself on my laptop. Make it a habit of writing once in a while. Even when I don't have anything important to say. Especially when I don't have anything important to say. Maybe just maybe :)

Oh and i don't really care if there's thousands of other people who has the same background. I'm just too lazy to go find one that's not already available at the template list. cheers!

Hair stories

I've been putting off this "I'll start writing blogs again" just because I'm too lazy to start writing. Plus, I don't want to start attracting stalkers again. Stalkers-who-judge-cause-they-don't-have-anything-better-to-do. :P

I've always had this habit of doing something out of the ordinary with my hair. Something spontaneous and without thought. It usually depends on my mood. Usually, it's associated with heart break or anger. I'll cut my hair REEEAAAL short. Ok that's exaggerating. But short enough. Different from my usual long straight hair. And when I feel better, I’ll keep my hair long enough til the next heart break. Yeah, I do get the usual trimming in between just to keep the split ends away.

But I haven’t had any heart breaks for the past two years (Thank God!). So my hair is as long as I’ve ever kept it before. It’s only been a week of holiday and I shouldn’t have trust myself to behave. With RM23 in hand, I went to the pharmacy and bought a box. A box that changed my look. (remember, main reason for all this happening -> boredom)

This is how it started.

Guardian, Bangsar.

*while looking at the boxes of hair coloring products

Me : Kak Long can I colour my hair?

Sister : Colour lah. Knape tiba-tiba?

Me : I’m just kiddiiiing. Why would I want to colour my hair? It’s already so little. Wouldn’t risk damaging whatever hair left on my head. Haha!

Yeah and to cut the story short, the next day, while I was with acad, teman-ing him study, I got bored again. And asked the same question and got the same answer. And I remembered saying something like this ;

“ Ntah la. Rambut I cam hitam, tapi tak cukup hitam but it’s not brown or perang. It looks grey-ish. Macam sakit and tak cukup colour.”

Haha! Ended up buying a box of hair colour and you know what happens next.

Now I’m a brunette. Not quite used to this new alien-like look. But I will get used to it. I hope so. But I think it’s weird cause I have tan skin. And now, with brown hair. It looks like I'm trying to camouflage myself. All I need is to lay down on clay or something and I’ll be as camouflaged as a chameleon. Hahahaha! Damage done. Probably I’m just being paranoid and maybe just maybe I don’t look half as bad as I think I do.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry I couldn’t suppress laughing at myself :P

I AM TWENTYYYYYY

Dear Nadhrah, this post is especially for you :)

It's 8th of May today. 2011. realize my "about me" says i'm 18? that's two years ago. yeahh. I'm 20 today. Old as f*ck as my bestfriend would say. hahaha! Anyhow, she gave me some kind of task to do on my birthday. To write how i feel today. Well I know she's up to something. Cause She knows I hate writing and she's making me write a post on my birthday. the last post was like AGES ago. that shows how much I hate writing.

This is how i feel today:

1. I feel young! young like a baby! and cute too. like a baby! a big fat cute 20 year old baby.

2. I am touched with all the wishes and the calls and the texts i received. Thank u all. even though the only one who will be reading this is the person who gave me homework to do in the first place. haha!

3. I feel smelly. Very smelly. It's friggin HOT today. no matter. i bought myself a new body spray. soooooooo niiiice. its called island breeze. its the smell of ocean breeze and pineapples. i fell in love with it the moment i took a whiff. it only took me 5 seconds to decide that i'm gonna buy it. yeahh, usually it'll take me minimum 10 minutes. but u know that about me dont u :P

4. I miss my friends. they're all having exams. waitiiiing for them to finiiiiisshhh!

5. I wish I had more money. I have feel like a sudden shopping splurge but i have no money. sucks!

anywhoo and anyhow, since i hate writing and this is my first post in a verrryyyy veryyy veryyy long time, please forgive me that is sucks, and its superficial, and its not so sweet and nice and warm and fuzzy. But I love u anyways Nadhrah Othman. So here u go, a post written especially for u :) i love u

from your f*ckin old friend XX