Random nothings

You don't have to be mean all the time ya knoowww??

I know my place. This is my life now. I'm happy I met these people along the way. I know all hope is not lost :)

I smell of burberry. Making me miss that certain someone just a tad bit more than i usually do.

I wanna be apart of the study the lecturer was talking about n get 300 bucks. All i have to do is sit in the hospital for a weekend. Must find out where to sign up.

So many things running through my head but its not projecting out.

Be anywhere but here

It's 11.30 pm and usually I'll be getting ready to snuggle up in my warm bed. Either that or finishing up some work. But you get the point. Nothing interesting happens to me around this time. I've been wanting to blog for a while now. Nothing heavy. Mainly, just about my week and what I do in class. But I'm too lazy for that. I feel this overflowing of emotions coming out of me. Trust me, I've sealed it well. But a certain someone opened the tight lid of my emotion box. Now it's leaking. Bit by bit.

First up in mind, I should change my lame blog title. It's lame. Cause come to think of it, I don't want people to read my blog. I just want them to shut up. But not read. If you get what I mean. Cause this is where I spill SOME things that cross my mind. And probably that particular thing that crossed my mind might offend people in ways I've never intended to. This is the place where I can be overly sensitive about things. This is the one place where I can complain and be selfish. This is the place where it's about me. And surely, I don't give a damn if I'm the only one who reads it. (Actually it would be better if I'm the only one reading it. But yeah yan, it's called a diary. But I still prefer blogging. Whatever. Lemme be. ) And surely, you have a choice whether to read and listen to my plight or just press the X button on the top right corner which you are welcome to do so.

I am at a lost cause here. I've given up on me. I have social problems. I have identity crisis where I don't even know what type of person I am. Cause I'm such a chameleon trying to fit in here. Epic failure of my life. In the end, i forget how to act normal. I don't know what's normal. I can only act normal when I'm not thinking. Those few people I meet where I don't have to think about how to act or what to say. IF that's even my 'normal' to begin with. I guess I'm normal-er when I feel comfortable and accepted. The feeling of being in the circle rather then its borderline. Too nice and I'll be a bore. Too snarky and you won't wanna be close to me. That ladies and gentlemen, why I prefer to start fresh rather than work with what I left broken in the first place. Survival skills I call it.

I've built my own nest here. I'm very comfortable in it. Where everything feels so familiar. So cozy and warm. Stepping out of it IS a big deal for me. Its hard. Only because I know I don't belong anywhere but here.

In a world that is mine, everything is easy.

time to me is very precious

I shall blog....soon enough :P

(funny that the length of my title and blog are about the same. haha!)

when nothing good comes to mind

I don't know how to say this. But i know I'm impaired. I'm not perfect. I'm a human being with flaws. I have phobias. I worry a lot. I care what people think of me. I think too much.

I'm just rambling. Typing random things that comes to mind. I actually feel like blogging today (a rare occasion). A post without a point. Without a story. Without a conclusion. Hoping that no one reads it. I guess its better if i write it in a diary. But alas, I don't have one. And I think its pointless even if I have one. I tried having a diary once but it didn't work. I felt stupid everytime i write "dear diary,". Not that its necessary to start with that but still..

I have one big phobia I cant overcome (besides being scared of cockroaches). A phobia that developed as I walk through the thorns of life. I don't know how to explain it. But its something like I'm scared that every being that walks into my life would find their way out one day or another. Like a BIG slap to the face, people would stop loving and caring for no good reason at all. I am TRULY paranoid with this and my only defense is to shy away from the world. Walk away from the problem. Become an anti-social. And I think it is what I am today. I just don't know how to get over it.

I guess I was never strong and never brave to ride the roller coaster of my own life.