Be anywhere but here

It's 11.30 pm and usually I'll be getting ready to snuggle up in my warm bed. Either that or finishing up some work. But you get the point. Nothing interesting happens to me around this time. I've been wanting to blog for a while now. Nothing heavy. Mainly, just about my week and what I do in class. But I'm too lazy for that. I feel this overflowing of emotions coming out of me. Trust me, I've sealed it well. But a certain someone opened the tight lid of my emotion box. Now it's leaking. Bit by bit.

First up in mind, I should change my lame blog title. It's lame. Cause come to think of it, I don't want people to read my blog. I just want them to shut up. But not read. If you get what I mean. Cause this is where I spill SOME things that cross my mind. And probably that particular thing that crossed my mind might offend people in ways I've never intended to. This is the place where I can be overly sensitive about things. This is the one place where I can complain and be selfish. This is the place where it's about me. And surely, I don't give a damn if I'm the only one who reads it. (Actually it would be better if I'm the only one reading it. But yeah yan, it's called a diary. But I still prefer blogging. Whatever. Lemme be. ) And surely, you have a choice whether to read and listen to my plight or just press the X button on the top right corner which you are welcome to do so.

I am at a lost cause here. I've given up on me. I have social problems. I have identity crisis where I don't even know what type of person I am. Cause I'm such a chameleon trying to fit in here. Epic failure of my life. In the end, i forget how to act normal. I don't know what's normal. I can only act normal when I'm not thinking. Those few people I meet where I don't have to think about how to act or what to say. IF that's even my 'normal' to begin with. I guess I'm normal-er when I feel comfortable and accepted. The feeling of being in the circle rather then its borderline. Too nice and I'll be a bore. Too snarky and you won't wanna be close to me. That ladies and gentlemen, why I prefer to start fresh rather than work with what I left broken in the first place. Survival skills I call it.

I've built my own nest here. I'm very comfortable in it. Where everything feels so familiar. So cozy and warm. Stepping out of it IS a big deal for me. Its hard. Only because I know I don't belong anywhere but here.

In a world that is mine, everything is easy.