shrmzb

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all readers out there (i counted, there's probably 3 or 4). Don't miss me too much :D

PS: I don't like it when ppl put everything in acronyms especially if its a wish. gila pemalas dan tak ikhlas. *padahal its my title kan? haha!*

lotsa loves yalls!

I better talk to my mum about this -_-"

Ok. I definitely have too much time on my watch now. I'm starting to scare myself. But probably, IF what I found out is true, then I guess it's a good thing. I think? Or not.

Yeah. What the hell am I talking about right? Anywayy, I've had this intense itching sensation at my upper arms. Close to my shoulders. Sometimes, red bumps appear especially when it's REALLY itchy. It's been like this for a while. I didn't think much about it at first. But it's getting worse. I'm scarring. Ugly, ugly, ugly scars. It's cause sometimes i scratch without noticing it and I really don't notice how hard i scratch but it'll end up bleeding. Ergo, scarring.

But sometimes, I do notice the itch. And I put in all my might and power to refrain from scratching. And the bumps will still appear without me scratching. So instead of scratching it, i poke it with my fingernail. Haha! Yeahh I applied the Gateway Theory of Pain. To put it in simple words, the pain messages will overwrite the itch sensation at the spinal cord so the brain would interpret the pain messages instead. Ok, whatever yan. Physiology is soo first year. haha!

Anyway back to the story. I had nothing to do today. So i googled it (Yeah i depend on google a lot nowadays. Even found out what DM was through google. Haha!). After reading about a lot of people's plight about the same condition, one person replied that she has the same condition and her doctor suggested that it might be brachioradial pruritus.

So i googled that alien-sounding-words (actually I should be smacked at the head if my lecturer found out I said brachioradial as alien-like. Fine. So the words aren't exactly alien-like to me).

I'm just gonna copy paste what i found out.

"Brachioradial pruritus (BRP) is an intense itching sensation of the arm usually between the shoulder and elbow of either or both arms. The itch can be so intense that sufferers will scratch their own skin to a bleeding condition. The cause is not known, although there are a few lines of thought on what causes it. No cure has been found. Many different medications and types of topical creams have been experimented with, but none seem to make any difference. The only thing that seems to help most sufferers is the application of ice to the area until the itch is diminished."

And my reaction was, "NO CURE HAS BEEN FOUND??? Damnn..T_T "

And i read some more. I'm just gonna put the keywords here. "BRP may be attributed by NEUROPATHY, problems in the nervous system, compression of nerve at the cervical spine,cervical spine disease."

Oh btw, just to translate it into human language, neuropathy is ANY disorder whereby the nervous system is somewhat DAMAGED. Great.. Just great.

This is NOT good. Not good at all. Oh but there is another reason for the cause of BRP. It's prolonged exposure to sunlight. It's not that i expose that part of my skin. But I'm hoping prolonged exposure to sunlight at different regions of my body like face or lower arms can still cause the itchiness at my upper arms. Hopefully.. If there's any connection at all. At least it's better than cervical spine disease or neuropathy -_-"

Maybe, just maaaybe, it's just irritation of my skin due to some sort of allergies. Or sensitive skin. Hopefully maybe.. I think I'm just being paranoid.

PS: ice pack sounds like a great idea. I'm gonna do that next time. Please pray it's nothing serious. Haha! (Suddenly I don't think it's appropriate to laugh but I still feel like laughing)

stripped right out of my chest

As to why I haven't written anything for a long time, it's simple. I have nothing interesting to talk about. Yeah but why don't I have anything interesting to talk about if I have the same 24 hours everyone else was given. I must have done something with my life. Or at least feel something? Feeling for the day is "Diyana Radzi, you're never good enough". That my life is just a perfect waste of time.

Yeah I feel a lot. It's just I don't know how to project it out. Except to imagine bad things happening in my head. Yeah I do that sometimes. Guilty as charged. I'm afraid people would take it the wrong way. And cause of that, I'm afraid of being left behind. Shunned from the public. And so, I swallow it in. I swallow as much as I could. I just learn to ignore. Roll my eyes for a bit, put a pause on my emotions, hover over the file right click and delete the whole folder. Create another one just to put fresh emotions in for every other day. But even if you delete a file, it would still be in your trash can. Still in your computer. And I haven't learn a way to permanently delete it.

I was never good at that before. You know the whole swallow it in, even if its not your fault, it is your fault. Used to just take it all out. Just throw my stinking emotions onto other people. Let them carry the burden. Not anymore. I keep it to myself. Might not be good for my health but it's certainly for my own good. Cause that, Diyana Radzi, is how you mainly get in to trouble. By putting up a show. By saying out meaningless words you've never meant.

And probably since I was never quite used to the idea of sucking it in, probably, as early as it is, this is my mini breaking point. Where i take it out on my blog. Wishing no one would ever read it. So I won't get into any trouble. But I myself know, I can't take back what I said (unless I don't post this blogs and this blog would be another bad imagination of mine). Those words will definitely linger in their brains even after the word sorry is uttered. Even if you're forgiven, they might change for what you have said.

I might regret this post as soon as I press the "publish post". Cause I'm just writing out of anger and despair. Out of self-pity and all those pathetic useless feelings that causes me nothing but trouble. But then again, this is my blog and I'm allowed to have my down moments on my own blog right? Right? I should think again.

Oh please clarify with me before making assumptions. As assuming would never be good.

Writer's Block

I haven't been writing much since micro-blogging was introduced into my life. Well, it was introduced a long time ago but I found no sense in having a twitter account as I don't own a smartphone (yeah, my phone is still the dumb phone). No sense as in "What would I tweet about if the only chance I have to tweet is when I'm back home after all the fun is over?" Or "I was never good at updating my facebook status. Isn't twitter about the same thing?". Oh but I was wrong. I have to admit that twitter is addictive. At least to me. I know what my friends are up to given that I rarely have the chance to meet them due to my tight sched.

Anyway, the point is, it solves my problem of not having enough ideas to write. It's not all the time words come spilling into my mind. And most of the time, what I think about is really not blog-worthy (like this one for instance). I find that it's very hard expressing myself. Especially in words. Lots and lots of words. Yes siree! 140 characters are enough for me. So that explains why I haven't blogged as much. I will try to blog more though. No promises.

Moving on to another topic, I miss having ample of time to myself. I just have to be patient. Breathe in, breathe out, just two weeks left yan, just two weeks left. Sigh. Sucks that I'm missing all those girly outings. I miss those. Just two weeks left and I'll be free :)

I guess I have half an hour to laze on the bed before I start getting ready for work. Welcoming the holy month of Ramadhan. Oh wait, I'm not fasting today and I'm pretty sure that lazying around is not the best way to welcome Ramadhan. Haha! Happy fasting people :)