Sunday, September 4, 2011

when nothing good comes to mind

I don't know how to say this. But i know I'm impaired. I'm not perfect. I'm a human being with flaws. I have phobias. I worry a lot. I care what people think of me. I think too much.

I'm just rambling. Typing random things that comes to mind. I actually feel like blogging today (a rare occasion). A post without a point. Without a story. Without a conclusion. Hoping that no one reads it. I guess its better if i write it in a diary. But alas, I don't have one. And I think its pointless even if I have one. I tried having a diary once but it didn't work. I felt stupid everytime i write "dear diary,". Not that its necessary to start with that but still..

I have one big phobia I cant overcome (besides being scared of cockroaches). A phobia that developed as I walk through the thorns of life. I don't know how to explain it. But its something like I'm scared that every being that walks into my life would find their way out one day or another. Like a BIG slap to the face, people would stop loving and caring for no good reason at all. I am TRULY paranoid with this and my only defense is to shy away from the world. Walk away from the problem. Become an anti-social. And I think it is what I am today. I just don't know how to get over it.

I guess I was never strong and never brave to ride the roller coaster of my own life.

4 comments:

Nafisah Azmi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nafisah Azmi said...

I love u . and we'll always be friends yan .

Anonymous said...

this post has been removed by the author. hahaah. thats funny. chillz bro. im here for ya! i've left before but i came back and i will always come back but more importantly, i wont leave again :) love u. and ps: you are not an anti social. like AT ALL. maybe just to some people who don't deserve to get your attention thats all. in any case... i love yah okay. ohh i've said that already. who cares. i'll say it again. I LOVE YOU! ;)

diyana,, said...

bill is very famous for deleting posts. awwwhh i love you guys tooo. n i really do hope we be friends forever. through thick and thin :)